My story

For my entire life, people told me I was “too much” or “not enough”—”too sensitive,” “too scattered,” “too intense.” “Not organized.” “Not focused.” “Too “ditzy,” but somehow simultaneously, “too smart.”

Since I never fit in any boxes, I made my own (and they’re more like vehicles than boxes). I’ve had several careers. I’ve lived many lives. Partially because of my unconventional childhood, and partially because of a long, science-y sounding identity word that I first heard on a random Tuesday in 2020 — “neurodivergent”—coined by Judy Singer in the 1990s.

The nine letters that changed my life

At age 34, while pregnant, I was diagnosed with ADHD and C-PTSD. Suddenly, everything made sense… and yet, nothing did.

I was relieved—and also grieving. I felt validated, but still struggled to do things that seemed easy for other people. I finally had a name for my experience, but no roadmap for how to move forward. All I had was a lot of questions and they couldn’t be answered by combing through medical misinformation on social media.

The more I researched, the more I realized I wasn’t alone. I had a degree in psychology and spent over a decade working at the forefront of wellness in Silicon Valley. If I couldn’t find answers, how could anyone?

Turns out, there’s a lost generation of women who’ve spent their lives not knowing who they were or what they needed to navigate a world that wasn’t built for them.

For those of us lucky enough to get a diagnosis, it often doesn’t come until midlife slams us in the face with responsibility, stress and caretaker responsibilities. By then, it’s sometimes too late.

Postpartum, a child’s diagnosis, work pressure, eldercare responsibilities, divorce, financial strain, and… drumroll… perimenopause. Pick one, pick them all, they’re catalysts for crumbling systems and burnout.

Unsupported neurodivergence leads to higher rates of incarceration, substance abuse, bankruptcy, depression, divorce and other catastrophic life experiences.

Women like me deserve help and support. We deserved it at age 7 and we deserve it now.

And—it shouldn’t be so hard to find it.

That’s why I created Divergently, a social-safety net for an unsafe world, a home for those of us who feel internally homeless.

Divergently is where highly sensitive and neurodivergent women-identified adults can find community and be seen, heard and understood. Where grief can be honored and identity redefined. Where rest, self-compassion, and joy are viewed as essential foundations, not earned luxuries.

What to Expect Here

This newsletter is part personal essay, part guide for anyone wanting to carve out a life that works for their beautifully wired, yet complicated, brain.

I’ll explore all the ways our intelligence shows up quietly and how to actually listen to it.

I’ll also share strategies for getting more in touch with your inner voice so you can confidently walk whatever path your heart wants to wander.

Thank you for being here.

💗

Kendra Koch, CEO & Founder of Divergently

P.S. If you or someone you know is navigating a late-identification of ADHD, autism or another form of neurodivergence, Divergently is currently accepting early access applications here.

P.P.S. Connect with me on LinkedIn if you’re there!

References:

1. Mattingly, G., & Childress, A. (2024). Clinical implications of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in adults: What new data on diagnostic trends, treatment barriers, and telehealth utilization tell us. The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 85(4), 24com15592. https://doi.org/10.4088/JCP.24com1559

2. UCLA Health. (2023, October 12). Understanding undiagnosed autism in adult females. Retrieved from https://www.uclahealth.org/news/article/understanding-undiagnosed-autism-adult-females1

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